Loneliness has become so widespread that the U.S. Surgeon General recently identified social isolation as a significant public health concern. At the same time, communities across the country are searching for ways to support the mental health and well-being of children, families, and educators. These challenges may seem unrelated, but they share a common thread: human connection. As we look for solutions to many of the challenges facing schools and communities today, we may need to ask a surprisingly simple question: What happens when people stop feeling connected to one another?

The Connection We May Be Losing

There was a time when many communities were woven together through everyday interactions. Neighbors were more likely to know one another. People exchanged favors, shared resources and recipes, checked in during difficult times, and celebrated milestones together. Help was often just a conversation away.

While these kinds of relationships certainly still exist today, many people experience them less frequently as life has become busier, more mobile, and increasingly supported by technology and services that allow us to meet our needs independently.

To be clear, these changes have brought meaningful benefits. Technology has increased accessibility, flexibility, and convenience in ways previous generations could scarcely imagine. We can order groceries, schedule transportation, hire services, receive deliveries, and solve many daily challenges without ever leaving our homes.

What we sometimes fail to recognize, however, is that convenience often removes friction from our daily lives. We spend less time walking through neighborhoods, waiting in lines, chatting with neighbors, helping a stranger reach an item on a high shelf, or listening to a cashier tell us about their day. These interactions may seem small, and they are certainly not the most efficient parts of our day. They require time, patience, and occasionally a willingness to engage when we would rather move on to the next task.

Yet friction is often where connection begins.

The conversations, interruptions, and unexpected encounters that slow us down are frequently the same experiences that help us build relationships. Just as muscles grow through resistance, communities grow through interaction. The very moments that can feel inconvenient are often the moments that remind us we belong to something larger than ourselves.

They also help us grow as people. Waiting patiently, listening to another person's perspective, offering assistance, navigating an awkward conversation, or simply making space for someone else's needs requires skills that cannot be developed in isolation. These small moments strengthen our empathy, patience, adaptability, and resilience. They increase our capacity to engage with others, even when doing so requires effort. Like any form of growth, connection requires practice.

As more of our needs can be met without relying on others, we may have fewer opportunities to build both the relationships and the social-emotional skills that help individuals and communities thrive. As an introvert, I understand the appeal of independence. There is something comforting about solving problems quietly and efficiently without asking for help. But there is an important difference between independence and isolation. Human beings were never designed to thrive alone.

Research consistently demonstrates that our relationships are among the strongest predictors of health and well-being. Findings from the Harvard Study of Adult Development suggest that the quality of our relationships plays a significant role in long-term happiness, health, and life satisfaction (Waldinger & Schulz, 2023). Likewise, the U.S. Surgeon General has identified loneliness and social isolation as significant public health concerns associated with increased risks for anxiety, depression, cardiovascular disease, and early mortality (Murthy, 2023).

Why Belonging Matters

At its core, this is a conversation about belonging. Belonging is more than simply being present in a place. It is the feeling that we matter, that we are known, that we are valued, and that we contribute to something larger than ourselves. It is knowing there are people who would notice if we were absent, celebrate our successes, and support us through challenges.

Belonging is not a luxury. It is a fundamental human need. Research has consistently linked a strong sense of belonging to improved mental health, greater resilience, stronger relationships, and increased overall well-being (Allen et al., 2021).

While belonging matters throughout our lives, it is especially important for children and adolescents as they develop their identities, relationships, and understanding of the world around them.

What This Means for Schools

This is where schools become an essential part of the conversation.

Schools do not exist separately from the communities they serve. Every day, students and educators carry into school the experiences, relationships, strengths, and challenges that shape their lives beyond the classroom walls. When communities are connected and supportive, schools often benefit from those same strengths. When communities become fragmented or isolated, schools feel those effects as well.

In many communities, schools remain one of the few places where people of different ages, backgrounds, and experiences regularly come together around a shared purpose. Every day, schools create opportunities for teamwork, mentorship, service, learning, celebration, and growth. They provide spaces where students, families, educators, and community members can build relationships, develop trust, and experience a sense of belonging. This may be one of the most important contributions schools make.

Earlier, I suggested that connection often requires a certain amount of friction. It requires showing up, engaging with others, navigating differences, participating in conversations, and investing time and energy in relationships. Schools provide these opportunities every day. In many ways, attending school is about more than being physically present for academic instruction. It is about participating in a community.

Research consistently identifies school connectedness as a powerful protective factor for young people. Students who feel connected to their schools are more likely to experience positive mental health outcomes, build healthy relationships, engage in learning, and persevere through challenges (CDC, 2023). A strong sense of belonging is also closely linked to school attendance. When students feel known, valued, and connected, they are more likely to show up consistently and engage fully in school life.

That matters because attendance is not simply an outcome. It is also an opportunity. Students must be present to benefit from the relationships, supports, learning experiences, and sense of community that schools provide. Not surprisingly, consistent attendance is associated with stronger academic achievement, while chronic absenteeism is linked to increased academic risk and poorer long-term outcomes.

Belonging, attendance, well-being, and learning are deeply interconnected. When students feel connected, they are more likely to attend. When they attend, they have greater opportunities to build relationships, strengthen their sense of belonging, and engage in learning. The result is a positive cycle that supports both well-being and academic success. Belonging is not simply a nice addition to education. It is foundational to student well-being, engagement, attendance, and achievement.

Yet schools cannot build belonging alone.

Rebuilding the Village

The conditions that help young people thrive are shaped not only by what happens inside schools, but also by the relationships, connections, and communities that surround them.

If we want students to experience strong communities, they need opportunities to see strong communities modeled around them. They need to witness adults supporting one another, contributing to something larger than themselves, and demonstrating what it means to care for the people around them.

In other words, if we want children to grow up in a village, adults must be willing to help rebuild it. Fortunately, rebuilding the village does not require extraordinary effort. More often, it requires a willingness to embrace the small moments of connection that modern life sometimes encourages us to bypass.

This summer, consider creating a little more space for productive friction in your daily routines:

• Walk to a local coffee shop, restaurant, or store when possible instead of ordering delivery.
• Take a few extra moments to talk with a neighbor, cashier, server, or fellow parent.
• Attend a community festival, farmers market, concert, or local event and strike up a conversation with someone new.
• Introduce yourself to a neighbor you have seen but never met.
• Volunteer for a local organization or community project.
• Attend a school event, athletic competition, concert, or activity, even if your own child is not directly involved.
• Join a walking group, book club, faith community, service organization, or recreational league.
• Share a recipe, garden produce, or a meal with someone nearby.
• Offer help before it is requested.
• Ask for help when you need it.

None of these actions are particularly complicated. In fact, some may feel inefficient, inconvenient, or even a little uncomfortable. But that is often where connection begins. Relationships are rarely built during moments of crisis. They are built through repeated moments of everyday interaction. Over time, those moments create trust, belonging, and support systems that strengthen individuals, schools, and entire communities.

As summer unfolds and many of us experience a slightly slower pace before the start of another academic year, perhaps this is an opportunity to invest in the relationships that sustain us. The connections we strengthen today may become the support systems that help students, families, educators, and communities thrive tomorrow.

The village does not appear automatically. It is built one relationship, one conversation, and one act of connection at a time.

Together, we can rebuild it.

Sources

• Allen, K. A., et al. (2021). The Importance of Belonging for Adolescents in Secondary School Settings: A Systematic Review.
• Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2023). Youth Risk Behavior Survey Data Summary and Trends Report.
• Murthy, V. H. (2023). Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation: The U.S. Surgeon General's Advisory.
• Waldinger, R., & Schulz, M. (2023). The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness.