Grief is something every person experiences, yet we rarely talk about how deeply it affects children and teens—or how often it shows up in schools. Students carry their losses with them into the classroom: the loss of a loved one, the loss of stability, the loss of a home, or the loss of the life they once knew.

For educators and school mental health professionals, understanding grief isn’t just beneficial—it’s essential. This post walks through what grief really is, how it shows up in students, and practical ways to support young people who are navigating it.

The Reality for Today’s Students

When we think about childhood grief, we often think of the death of a loved one. And while that is a major contributor, grief in childhood is much broader—and more common—than many realize.

National data show that a significant percentage of youth experience major losses before adulthood, including the death of a parent, major family changes, or homelessness. State-level data mirror this reality. Even without a death, disruptions—like family separation, incarceration of a caregiver, or sudden household transitions—can create profound grief responses.

Simply put: grief is in every school, whether we can see it or not.

What Is Grief?

Grief is best understood as the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors connected to the loss of something important. Grief and bereavement often get used interchangeably, but they’re not the same. Grief is the internal emotional and behavioral response to any meaningful loss, while bereavement is the period of mourning after someone has died. While death is one type of loss, students may grieve other losses including the loss of a relationship, home, pet, financial security, or previous version of their life.

Because grief is tied to meaning, anything valuable to a student can evoke grief when it changes or disappears. Not all grief is tied to tragedy. Big life changes—even positive ones—can create a sense of loss. Moving to a new school, adjusting to a blended family, or the birth of a sibling, can bring waves of emotion that students don’t always understand or know how to express.

What About the 5 Stages of Grief?

Many people have heard of the 5 Stages of Grief—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. The 5 Stages of Grief were originally created by Swiss-born psychiatrist, Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, while she was working with people who were nearing the end of their lives. She noticed some common emotional patterns and organized them into what we now call the 5 Stages of Grief. Today, many people use these stages to talk about grief and loss more broadly; however, these stages are often misunderstood.

Some common myths about the 5 Stages of Grief are: 

It’s important to remember that everyone’s experience of grief and loss is unique to them. As Dr. Kübler-Ross herself said, “Our grief is as individual as our lives.”

How to Be There for Grieving Students

When working with students, a flexible and compassionate approach matters most. Coping skills, mindfulness, validation, and basic psychoeducation can help students understand what they’re feeling and regain a sense of control.

Educators and school mental health providers can play a vital role by offering four key types of support.

1. Education: Helping Students Understand What They’re Feeling

Kids often feel relief when they hear that their grief reactions are normal. Offering language, visuals, frameworks, or working definitions—like this one: Grief Education—can help them make sense of overwhelming emotions, feel less alone, and more grounded. 

Some examples of psychoeducation include: 

When a student is grieving, they often question whether their feelings are “normal” or worry that they’re reacting the “wrong” way. Validation interrupts that spiral by acknowledging their emotions without judgment. Simple statements like, “It makes sense you’d feel this way,” or “Anyone in your position might feel similarly,” can provide immediate relief and help students feel less alone. Validation doesn’t fix the pain—it opens the door for students to share more honestly, trust the space, and feel understood in a moment when life feels unpredictable. Over time, this kind of steady, compassionate response becomes a foundation for healing.

3. Skill-Building: Helping Students Manage Emotional Waves

Grief can feel unpredictable. Skill-building gives students tools they can use long after they leave your office or classroom.

Mindfulness practices help students notice their internal experience without judgment. It encourages presence and acceptance rather than avoidance, which can be helpful when working through the emotions associated with grief. Some useful mindfulness exercises you can try with students are: 

Cognitive defusion is a coping skill that helps students separate themselves from unhelpful thoughts. Instead of being hooked by painful thinking like “It’s all my fault,” students learn to recognize these as thoughts—not truths.

Students are often far kinder to friends than they are to themselves. Self-Compassion teaches students to treat themselves with the same patience and care as they would treat a friend who is struggling, which can soften the edges of grief.

Examples of self-compassion practices include: