Have you done nine things perfect but one thing less than perfect, then focus or ruminate over the one thing and ignore the other nine?

I would venture to guess that it would be most of us. 

Perfectionism is a struggle for many, including students as they navigate both social and academic obstacles. Perfectionism is a complex issue that involves both personality traits and interpersonal style. It is often characterized by the issue of setting goals or standards that are unrealistic and impossible to meet. 

However, self-oriented perfectionism involves more than setting goals too high. It comes from a distorted striving for self-cohesion, or a sense of inner consistency and stability in one’s self-concept and belonging. The self-oriented perfectionist “equates worth and cohesion with attaining perfection and avoiding imperfection” (Cheek et al., 2018, p. 460). They see anything less than perfect as an absolute failure and a sign of a deep character defect.  

As for belonging, “these interpersonal expressions of perfectionism is the individual’s experience of loneliness, inauthenticity, disconnection, and an absence of intimacy” (Cheek et al., 2018, p. 463). Self-oriented perfectionists believe if others see their imperfections and messiness, they will be rejected.

So, this desire to be perfect goes much deeper than goal setting. It is an erroneous belief that to be a good person and worthy of connection and intimacy they must be perfect. They say to themselves, “If I am perfect, there will be nothing to criticize, to judge or to reject—nothing to be ashamed of—and I will be accepted, I will be whole, and I will have worth” (Hewitt et al., 2017, p. 101). 

I say erroneous belief because often it is our very imperfections and humanness that allow us to connect with others on a deeper level. 

Two Types of Perfectionism

Now that I have sufficiently made a point of making perfectionism the “bad guy,” I want to add a caveat. Not all perfectionism is the same. Perfectionism can be classified as adaptive and maladaptive perfectionism.

It is important to make sure that in our haste to stamp out maladaptive perfectionism that we do not hinder a student’s desire to excel and succeed. These are good things to foster and encourage.  

The difference between these two versions of perfectionism is twofold. One, it is the ability to be flexible in one’s goals. Two, it is about how failure is seen. Adaptive perfectionists can be flexible and see failure as a learning opportunity. Maladaptive perfectionists are rigid and view failure in black-and-white terms (Flett & Hewitt, 2008), that is, failure is bad. 

Identifying Maladaptive Perfectionism in Students 

As educators, it is important to be able to see the signs that a student may be dealing with maladaptive perfectionism. This kind of perfectionism can show up in specific ways in the classroom. Some student behaviors can be seen as laziness or lack of motivation; when in reality they may be struggling with the need to be perfect. 

Here are some specific behaviors that might be a clue that one of your students is dealing with maladaptive perfectionism (Nugent, 2000): 

• Procrastination: sometimes students get so overwhelmed by the need to be perfect they do not want to start a project if they feel they cannot do it up to their standards 
• Starting assignments over and over again 
• Unwilling to volunteer, share work, or participate unless absolutely certain they know the answer  
• An all or nothing response to feedback: For example, the student conflating any constructive criticism on part of an assignment as evidence that the entire assignment is a failure 
• Intolerance to mistakes  
• Unrealistic standards  
• Overly emotional to minor errors  
• Easily gives up on work after one mistake 

Additionally, students can also experience emotional and physical symptoms such as emotional explosiveness, stress and anxiety, headaches, low self-esteem, fatigue, and shyness.  

4 Classroom Strategies 

While it might be most beneficial to have a mental health counselor work with both the parents and student to cope with the child’s maladaptive perfectionism, there are ways educators can help these students in the classroom.

1. Provide healthy alternatives.

When working with a perfectionist, it can be close to impossible to talk them out of setting high standards or goals. So, helping them shift from maladaptive perfectionism to a more adaptive form is best. The International OCD Foundation (Zebrowski, 2023) suggests using the word excellence and they lay out the difference between someone who pursues excellence and a perfectionist:  

Actively shifting the culture of the classroom by using this language can be helpful. When noticing a student struggling with perfectionism, it can be powerful in the moment to show them how to shift their thinking using the table above aiming for the pursuer of excellence language. 

2. Assist them in diversifying their sources of self-worth.

Perfectionist students often disproportionately get their sense of self-worth from academic achievement. It is important to help them identify their interests and other talents, hobbies, volunteer work, athletics, etc., so they can see that they are much more than the grades they get (Zebrowski, 2023). 

Some ways educators might be able to foster this is by using assignments that help get students to talk about their interests or hobbies. Perhaps with prompts such as, “Write about a time when you worked hard on something you wanted to achieve and what happened.” Or doing “how to” presentations where students can explain or show “how to” do a task or skill of their choice. Lastly, help the students be aware of the various clubs and activities happening at the school and community. 

3. Praise effort rather than outcomes (Affrunti, 2018).

It is easy to praise someone who gets an “A” or does well in a spelling bee. However, educators should strive to give credit for hard work in the activity at hand. Praising outcome can negatively impact a student’s persistence on difficult tasks while process praise leads to greater persistence and performance on difficult tasks. This might look like instead of saying, “Great job on getting an A on the test!” perhaps saying, “Great job using your strategies to work through those difficult problems.” As we emphasize the process over the outcome, students will hopefully apply that to their own lives. As author Brandon Sanderson writes, “journey before destination.” 

4. Use bibliotherapy.

Use examples in movies, books, and stories (Nugent,2000). Bibliotherapy is a tool teachers can use to help students address emotional needs through connecting them to the story and its characters. Discuss how the characters make mistakes, but they do not let the mistakes stop them from achieving their goals. Drawing parallels with students between them and the characters in stories can be a great way to help the student work through their perfectionism.

If you can help a student learn to navigate maladaptive perfectionism and turn it into something adaptive now, it can save them a lot of pain and suffering in the future. Thank you for all you have done for your students already! And remember, give yourself a break too. 

References

• Affrunti, N. W. (2018). Perfectionism: Helping Handout for School and Home. In Helping Handouts: Supporting Students at School and Home. essay, NASP Publications.
• Cheek, J., Kealy, D., Hewitt, P. L., Mikail, S. F., Flett, G. L., Ko, A., & Jia, M. (2018). Addressing the complexity of perfectionism in clinical practice. Psychodynamic Psychiatry, 46(4), 457–489. https://doi-org.proxy.lib.uiowa.edu/10.1521/pdps.2018.46.4.457
• Flett, G. L., & Hewitt, P. L. (2008). Treatment interventions for perfectionism–a cognitive perspective: Introduction to the special issue. Journal of Rational – Emotive & Cognitive – Behavior Therapy; New York, 26(3), 127–133. http://dx.doi.org/10.1007/s10942-007-0063-4
• Hewitt, P. L., Flett, G. L., & Mikail, S. F. (2017). Perfectionism: A relational approach to conceptualization, assessment, and treatment. New York: Guilford.
• Nugent, S. A. (2000). Perfectionism: Its Manifestations and Classroom-Based Interventions. Journal of Secondary Gifted Education, 11(4), 215-221. https://doi.org/10.4219/jsge-2000-630
• Sanderson, B. (2010). The way of kings. New York, A Tor Book.
• Zebrowski, K. (2023, February 7). 10 tips for treating academic perfectionism. International OCD Foundation. https://iocdf.org/expert-opinions/10-tips-for-treating-academic-perfectionism/ 
• Photo credit: Scanlan Center for School Mental Health

Benson Bunker is currently a student in the University of Iowa College of Education’s Counseling Psychology Doctoral Program.